The Benefits of Using I-Statements in Your Relationships
And, what exactly is an I-Statement??
An I-statement is not that complicated. It is hard to explain sometimes though. I’ve used it with adults, children, and youth. Everyone struggles with it. I struggle with it!
An I-statement is meant to be helpful as a way to communicate with someone else, especially when you have an issue with them. The point of an I-statement was originally meant for the person who has the issue to take responsibility for their feelings around whatever the other person has done.
I don’t see it that way. I see an I-statement as a way to connect with your feelings, period.
I have been known to say to my son, and he would be only too happy to vouch for me on this one, “You are being so inconsiderate right now.”
His response, “What did I do? I was excited to show you the pictures.” (This incident occurred not too long ago, when we lived together in the same apartment.)
Defensiveness is the usual response to a you-statement, which is the format I used.
An I-statement identifies the feelings involved and is more specific, which encourages a discussion that can work towards a compromise.
